Busyness, lethargy and Our journey Within the Safe Haven

Although not having been much help in contributing ideas for conversation I offer a sincere desire to seek out things to talk about; perhaps not a series of new things with new interests (although sifting through new things is always useful) but adding new perspectives on old things.

I have created a "shell" around my thoughts and memories that more than likely has constantly sent mixed signals. One the one hand it probably appears that there are areas of discussion I do not wish to enter. On the other, since my own thoughts go in those directions and those thoughts are not so private that I should protect or hide them from intrusion, I feel willing to "go there" with you so long as it doesn't feel like rehashing the same old thoughts, ideas or notions I've covered many times already. I'm not alluding to what you bring forth to me from your thinking, but the same old same old expressions I use repeatedly.

One example is my cultural and spiritual background. It seems that I've been overly anxious to separate myself from the religious belonging as opposed to the cultural themes, stories and attitudes that would foolish to continue denying. I guess that means that Mormonism, the modern Church and churchiness in general are probably useful reflections to discuss since they have become part of our joint experience for so long now.

Busyness is described as the state of having or being involved in many activities. It seems that our temptation or risk involves coping with lethargy, which is described as a state of weariness that involves diminished energy, mental capacity and motivation.

Whatever the solutions are, we seem to be demonstrating our inventive capacity to make busy at times while at others we seem to find ourselves at loss in remaining engaged in things that used to entertain us well.

I believe that mindful entertainment at our ages is a valuable asset, tool or method that offers more positives than negatives, so long as we do what we can to stay physically active to the degree possible, maintain what has proven to be an extremely effective diet (with moments of giving into temptations tossed in), continue efforts at conversation within the framework we discussed recently. Some old topics do not work anymore or we have kicked them around so many times that mentally it feels we walk in circles.

Busyness, lethargy, boredom and enforced solitude are our mutual challenges and a sense of common purpose in what we say and do. Coping is not enhanced when I constantly act out "the solitary  man" as Neil Diamond sings which, I suspect, suggests or implies that my desire for privacy - in my mind - gets overly exaggerated and confusing to you. 

I'll try to be a better man. 😊



 

No Energy to Energetic - Sunlight makes difference

So yesterday was not at all sunny, today is and I can sure notice the difference in my mood!  

 Yesterday, bleak and I felt I had little to no energy, today though I am ready to take a brief walk in the Sunlight.  I have been nursing my two feet for a few days, as they wish to grow things that hurt me to walk.  My feet are recovering, and I want to use them today with the Sunlight!  I can walk using my new 'squigglies' that really have label of Metatarsal pads, and they seem to be working in that the feeling I have had of pebbles or rocks beneath the bottoms of my feet are less achy with the Metatarsal squiggly pads.  After 2-3 days of staying off my feet, I want to walk a bit today, not much as I do not want the feeling at bottom parts of my feet again!  And of course, my weight has gone up by a few pounds as not exercising in traditional (daily walks) fashion  Diabetic, and cannot afford the extra pounds at all.  

  Today, beside the Sun outside, my son has checked in, he hasn't been on the 'family text thread' for 3-4 days and I wondered if he was busy with his work, or was his family (my granddaughters)  struggling with someone having Covid or testing positive for Covid, or maybe getting the vaccinations for Covid.  Nothing of Covid, he was busy, and good to hear from him.  

  Wanting for my husband to phone maybe pharmacy daily to determine if a person scheduled to get the Covid vaccination has deferred, leaving spot and vaccination open for other use, as vaccination would go to waste otherwise. 

   Daughter is feeling herself and freedom of selfness today.  Glad for her, 

   Other daughter doesn't reveal much about her and her family personal life, she did text relief that the recent Inauguration is done without violence.  Pretty much what my particular algorithm of Facebook is telling me, mostly photos of the young poetress, and her great message. 

   That about does it for today.  Sweet husband rearranged our bedroom so that we have different sides of the bed since we tend to sleep sideways on opposite sides of the bed.  Now we will be together in our sleep hours,

 
 

Up In The Night

 In the bad old days ... pre-retirement days ... I used to wake up some times in the middle of the night feeling some kind of dread, uneasiness or just plain worried.

Whether dealing with difficult issues at work, a house that constantly needed maintenance or merely counting money all the time in order to keep the wolf from having puppies in our living room, I absolutely hated waking up in the middle of the night to some dread.

Back then I mentioned it to my VA doctor at Camp Rilea after I retired. She had only one suggestion, don't drink much after 5:00 pm and try to avoid getting up to tinkle in the middle of the night.

Right ...

Well, now that we are into our lifestyle, I drink liquids late in the evening at my own risk. I know that I will probably have to answer the tinkle bell and may or may not struggle to fall back asleep. Not as much as I used to however.

The one thing ... I still wake up ready to get up at 5:00 a.m. which I did when I was working. So I try to force myself back to sleep, generally by counting slowly down from 100 or up from 0  and drifting off around half way. But it no longer comes with some unknown or known dread or worry ... unless worrying about not sleeping through for 8 hours can be called dread.

I'm reminded of a Brother Hardin in Willapa Bay and who said he wakes up every night around 3:00 a.m., goes in the living room and watches 1-2 episodes from the inspiration channel and falls asleep or goes back to bed.

My Lietta will sometimes find herself awake with her thoughts, not so much worrisome thoughts but what she calls "churning" where the mind thinks its time to be busy so it is.

Before we fall asleep every night, we are in the habit of watching something "light" before we go to sleep. Been doing that forever it seems during self-quarantine. Before quarantine we watched all the Frasier episodes, Northern Exposure, Coach, Cheers,  3rd Rock From the Sun, Star Trek Next Generation and the rest of a growing collection of tv episodes.

We usually make it through a single episode but sometimes when she knows I'm drifting off she ends it in mid-episode and we take it up again the next night.

Bottom line is "Up in the Night" comes with our retirement territory and no longer feels like an omen of bad mental health.

Uh Oh, Family Disruption - Covid catching up?

 Got an announcement yesterday from son in law, and rather than go into the drama that announcement has created, will put it down to the effects Covid, mask safety, distance safety and watching out for others is having with the long term effects.

  Keeping this a brief writing as really just wanted to record that it happened, not the how's and why's of it happening.  Not easy to be the elderly parent in this situation.  What more is there to say, so many opinions out there now, and the Capitol building, the inauguration of new President to happen in a few days, and there has been gearing up by the National Guard, local police, to keep the day somewhat safe.  That is the inauguration day.  Meanwhile guessing, cause I do not know, hearing, reading that the group who are considered insurrectors, seditioners, rioters, etc. of the Capitol are slated to do similar things at state Capitols.  So lots of people have their attention on these national matters just now.  

  I find it difficult in light of the national agenda at large this week, and now my family dynamics seemingly in somewhat of state of  disrepair for me to find satisfaction in whatever used to occupy my attention for this time we have been self-quarantined. 

   On a somewhat more upbeat note, I did find some relief for my feet in the Metatarsal pads, having arrived  yesterday, that I can wrap around the ball of my foot.  I call them squigglys cause they are like the carpets we have in kitchen at sink area and stove area.  Newly purchased and way thickened.   

  

Say What? Feet and Shoes

 I am 69 years old, with diabetes 2, diagnosed about 3 years ago.  I immediately began researching to know what to do with the diagnosis as doctor had offered me the Advance Plan suggestion to fill out and place on refridgerator in case EMT had to come and keep me alive.  Dang!!   Well that scared the heck out of me and I immediately began workouts daily, healthy eating using the glucose monitor daily, until I knew what foods I could have and what foods my body increased glucose (blood sugar).   I think, for now, I have the diabetes under control, however it is not curable, and over the years deterioration is expected to set in.  I do not wish to lose feet or any part of my leg to gangrene, cutting it off.  Had mother in law to which that happened, and an uncle on maternal side of my family.  

Soooo......when I began to have postules on bottom of my feet, I got really scared.  Was not sure what it meant, if it was deterioration, and with Covid (chose to stay home for 11 months), did not want to go to see Dr, knowing she was busy, knowing others would be visiting her for various reasons, and not wanting to get infected with the virus.   Summer time and was able to deal with the postule on bottom of my foot with duct tape.  Note:  change to my eating was that I wanted ice cream cone when we went out, realizing the sugar level (carbs) involved would increase my glucose.  What I did not realize was that increased sugar content would add to my feet problems.  Covid is harsh!  As we did not go out much except for grocery pick up and summer I wanted to drive around.  Adding the ice cream cone, for some fun, not the best idea for the diabetes condition.

So here I am in winter now, with postules on top of my foot, and also red spot on other foot.  Dang again!  I cut the coffee drinking (caffeine) down to one cup of coffee in morning, was having two cups in the card playing period after breakfast with my husband.  Still trying to decide if it is something else, I was involved with a group that called itself planter fascitis something or another, and the depictions (photos) were hard to look at yet, the black dot was something my one postule had.  I tried the duct tape again, not really helping much, then as I continued to look, thought maybe Mortons Neuroma and looked at remedies for that, which has reduced the postules to red spots, yet the bottom of both feet hurt when I walk on them.  Recommended to allow them to heal, use the blotting of Cider Vinegar, Salycilic acid which is in Listerine, and ICE the feet.  Wow!   Here I was massaging my feet in warm to hot water for 1/2 hour a day. Also the Mortons Neuroma had to do with high heels which I have worn most of my adult/career life, and purchase of cheap, ill fitting shoes.  

Since it is hurting my feet on underside to walk, my daily walks are ruled out for now, want to heal the feet.  Learned of metatarsal pads, which help some as they pad the underside of my feet.  See on the packaging that it is not uncommon to have feet problems for all kinds of reasons  In looking through my shoe collection which I had already switched from heels to flats, now I had to find padding to help with the shoe problems so I am looking up widening shoes, how to home remedy as well as podiatrist and shoe repair.  Guess it will be an ongoing NEW kind of problem for me to try to resolve. 

Looking Back at Eleven Months of Sequestered Intimacy

 It was on February 27th that we responded to the increasingly sobering news about the spread of Covid, the lack of an organized effort to manage it and a sense that like a runaway train, the infectious virus could or would rapidly flow into Eastern Washington and Northern Idaho with impunity.

The virus is of course immune and ignores human desires and fears and cannot be opposed by government edicts, authority and human will. As Joy used to say, "It is what it is."

Now we can say it was what it was, it is what it is and will be what it will be. Our reaction? We limit our lives essentially to just the two of us. Any and everyone else are flashes in the heavens flying in and out of orbit around our world. Deliveries, home repairs and upgrades seem to be the only knockers at our doors. 

What remains is the slowly flowing and sometimes evolving pattern of routine. It begins in the darkness of dawn with a hug before I wander downstairs to regulate the heat, arrange the coffee maker, perhaps put away dishes and take a seat at my laptop to write whatever comes into my head, read whatever prompts my interest and wait with patience for the descent from the bedroom of the Beloved and her smile. 

The rest of the day in some ways is anticlimactic to that first morning vision, embrace, sharing of coffee and quite play or reading. Such has been our time of fear, trembling, hope and determination to succeed against something relentlessly dangerous that must be kept out of our home at all costs. 

And as of this day we have done that, we will do that and we will continue the bonding which only seems to solidify further as we learn more and more what sequestering ourselves with only each other truly means.

What does he want me to say....Covid hurts

I was venting (which I do a lot of these days) to my husband, he strongly urged me to write it out which actually sounded like a good idea after I thought about it.   Back in my blogging days (so long ago now), I realized I have a lot of blogs, and thought I might change one to be more current and content will vary depending on what I feel and want to write that day.  

We have spent last 11 months in self quarantine as infrequent mask wearers in location where we live.  We wear our masks, yet it is not as possible to keep the distance as many people in this region do not yet seem to wish to take responsibility for care of youngsters, oldsters and in between.  Not meaning an opinion here, recognition that this was not going to be a lightweight flu virus, so we decided to stay home.  That hurt, as each of my children and grandchildren wanted us to come to visit them. 

We have not lost a loved one to Covid and hopefully don't lose our loved ones in this horrid fashion.  My mother did pass 3 years ago, pre-Covid, and I spent so much of the time in retrospect about what could have been done for her in her end years to the welcome that she did not have to endure Covid period of all our lives.  

With his 5 grown children and their many children, and my 3 grown children with their own children, we feel blessed (I guess) that none have been taken by Covid virus.  He does have some siblings that have tested positive for Covid, with one brother hospitalized with symptoms which apparently family has and news we get is that family is doing okay.   My sibling group has no Covid, although I would want a couple of them to take it a bit more serious and avoid some activities.  

So that is the background.  Things are about to change this next week as we inaugurate a new President, and while I understand it is a heated ground ahead, I do look forward to some sense of relief as more people mask, more people get the Covid vaccine, more people keep distance and it is my belief and hope that this country can attempt .....  well what, a different beginning to this damnable virus.